How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize