I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
