woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
