you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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