Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
