Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
