No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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