ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
