Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
