Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
