Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
