Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
