Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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