and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
