right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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