I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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