I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
4 words: hood of his car
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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