everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
