Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
