I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
