well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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