i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
