he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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