Rock
Scissors
Fuck
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
