I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
