we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
