your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
