he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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