honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
