I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize