I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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