She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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