remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
