I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
