one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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