The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
