I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
