Sponge bath it is.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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