i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
