If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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