Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
