she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
