Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
