Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
