His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
