stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
