I love black thongs
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
