I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
