i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
