Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
