I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
