I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
vagina is talking i cant
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
