oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
