break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
