Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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