She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
