Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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