I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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