There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
