If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
