dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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