I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
