I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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