Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
