So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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