1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
