Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
