I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
