Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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