im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
