Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
