Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
