dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
