can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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