What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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