i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
