NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
