Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
