I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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