Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
