Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
