READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize